If Ted Nugent Were President
Ted Nugent — that fun-loving conservative crazy person behind Cat Scratch Fever and… I don’t know any other songs by him — outlines what he would do if he were president in his book, Ted, White and Blue.
Foreign Debts: The rocker says he’d “take appropriate gas and oil from Mexico and the Middle East as payment for all debts we are owed by them.”
War: “[I'd] instruct the US military warriors to do their job — win the global war on terror right now and eliminate all threats from all sources by any means necessary.”
Peace: “Each morning I bow down on bended knee in reverence to the Almighty and pray for good bombing weather. The history of mankind is one of war, not peace…‘Give peace a chance’ will get you killed. John Lennon was wrong. Imagine that.”
The United Nations: “[I'd] refuse to pay one red cent more to the UN until other nations pony up their fair share — but maintain membership just to keep our eyes on the bastards.”
Ted, you’re so cute when you’re angry.
45 Responses to “If Ted Nugent Were President”
-
On 10/13/08 2:18 PM, Anthony Fantano said:
Can this be a post where everyone comments with responses to “If Ted Nugent were president…”?
If Ted Nugent were president, I’d cry myself to sleep every night.
-
On 10/13/08 2:59 PM, Sean Cannon said:
It can be now.
If Ted Nugen were president, SNL writers would clap. A lot.
-
On 10/13/08 3:09 PM, buddy said:
holy hell! that crappy white gibson is a gretsch rip off! he ain’t gettin my vote!
-
On 10/13/08 4:26 PM, One Crushing Blow said:
If Ted Nugent were president…Jeffree Star and his “Starlettes” would be illegal. Forever.
-
On 10/13/08 4:57 PM, Cool dude said:
Hey, Ted sounds pretty good. I would much rather vote for him than emo Obama
-
On 10/13/08 5:20 PM, Jay DiNitto said:
If Ted Nugent were president, there would be more venison everywhere.
-
On 10/13/08 5:26 PM, Sean Cannon said:
If Ted Nugent were president, we’d all have to wear Native American head dresses.
-
On 10/13/08 6:00 PM, One Crushing Blow said:
If Ted Nugent were president, there’d be no reason to move to Canada anymore. (But I am moving to Alaska)
-
On 10/13/08 6:37 PM, andy said:
If Ted Nuggent were president, the only ones eligible for welfare would be vets.
-
On 10/13/08 6:54 PM, Jared said:
If Ted Nugent were president, the only requirement for becoming a legalized citizen would be a hunting license.
-
On 10/13/08 6:59 PM, Sean Cannon said:
there are too many of these comments that aren’t of a humorous nature. scary.
-
On 10/13/08 7:03 PM, One Crushing Blow said:
If Ted Nugent were President…who would be vice president?
-
On 10/13/08 7:21 PM, Dave said:
How the FUCK did conservatives get the monopoly on the abortion issue? Oh life life life, but oh let’s bomb the shit out of these “threats.”
-
On 10/13/08 7:40 PM, andy said:
Dave is totally right! It’s like when you want to save polar bears while performing late term abortions and denying medical care to babies who are born alive after botched abortions. Yay polar bears!
-
On 10/13/08 7:41 PM, pitman said:
Interesting: A president who boasted to urinating and defecating his pants to avoid serving his country. Very, very interesting indeed.
-
On 10/13/08 7:46 PM, rojas said:
ALL HAIL THE NUGE!!!!!!
-
On 10/13/08 8:10 PM, andy said:
Ha that’s awesome.
I’m still trying to figure out how the hell abortion made it into this thread too.
-
On 10/13/08 8:31 PM, Orrin said:
buzzgrinder needs more NUGENT.
-
On 10/13/08 9:00 PM, buddy said:
buzzgrinder needs more abortions performed by nugent.
-
On 10/13/08 9:59 PM, andy said:
haha what the hell!?
-
On 10/13/08 11:40 PM, Sean Cannon said:
i agree, buzzgrinder needs more nougat. mmm, delicious, chewy nougat.
-
On 10/14/08 1:37 AM, rojas said:
nougat…what is it about that word that is so damn funny?
-
On 10/14/08 12:43 PM, scooter said:
It sounds like noogie and nookie. That’s kind of funny, right?
-
On 10/16/08 9:37 PM, Ryan @ Milkweed Records said:
i agree, buzzgrinder needs more abortion. mmm, delicious, chewy abortion.
-
On 10/17/08 4:09 AM, yeah said:
If Ted Nugent were president.
we would have a rocker in the white house.
-
On 10/17/08 4:11 AM, yeah said:
If Ted Nugent was president…. he wouldn’t be the only lawmaker out there.
-
On 10/22/08 1:53 PM, BUZZGRINDER » Buzzgrinder Podcast Episode 39 - Brought To You By Websingles? said:
[...] If Ted Nugent Were President [...]
-
On 07/27/09 7:41 AM, john said:
I hate to break this to everybody but this is exactly who we need in office. One that actually loves this country & would tell every other country that had a problem with us, just to shove it. This is not a man that would bow to the king of another country. He is very radical but these are radical times. For V. Pres., Chuck Norris.
-
On 07/27/09 11:45 PM, Shawn Bradley said:
@ john, yyeeaaa . . . but not so much
-
On 10/12/09 3:32 PM, Lowlife said:
I think Andy is a genius when he wrote:
If Ted Nuggent were president, the only ones eligible for welfare would be vets.
Seems appropriate, don’t you agree?
If those of us that are employed have to pee in a cup to get and keep our jobs, shouldn’t those individuals on welfare have to do the same to get their welfare check?
Either that OR stop fighting this insane war on drugs….because it is one we are never going to win.
-
On 10/13/09 9:34 AM, Dustin said:
If Ted Nugent were president, nerdy 20-30 somethings wouldn’t sit around on music sites pretending that they have strong political opinions…
-
On 12/30/09 10:02 AM, Shocker: Obama Makes Ted Nugent Want to Barf | BUZZGRINDER said:
[...] can we start the “If Ted Nugent were President…” deal again? Written by Sean Cannon > Music, Politics | 10:00 am More on: Ted [...]
-
On 01/6/10 11:14 PM, Robert said:
When all you Obama punks out there come to the stark reality that this administration is out to financially enslave us all, let me know. It’s obvious they are out to confiscate private capital and private property. What seems to pass for common sense these days is the Gov. spending $3,000,000 creating 1 job that pays $50,000 that lasts 1 year using YOUR money. Over taxing your boss so he does not have the incentive to give you a raise or bonus. Regulating businesses into oblivion losing even more jobs. This is insanity what they are doing. It’s much like a sanke eating itself.
-
On 01/12/10 12:31 AM, Bobby said:
If Obama lived a thousand lifetimes, he would still never approach the “love of country” that Ted Nugent has. The people who don’t know any better can knock him, but I guarantee that Ted has more in common with the founders of this country than the current Socialist ass clown-in-office could ever aspire to.
-
On 01/12/10 1:42 PM, The Duke said:
to bobby: so ted nugent keeps slaves and was orignally from britain? and what exactly do you mean love for the the country cause the way i see the only thing that seperates the nuge (and yes i do think as rednecks go he is the man) from the crazies in the hills is that he wrote catscratch fever
-
On 01/12/10 2:28 PM, Jay DiNitto said:
I wish I had 200 guns.
-
On 01/12/10 11:45 PM, Bobby said:
Well, if that’s the way you see, there’s nothing an educated man can teach you, Duke.
-
On 04/11/10 9:17 PM, ngttime said:
the way i see it the people running the government now are simply ruining this country. we cant fight a war. we cant educate our kids. we cant take care of the vets. we cant take care of the elderly. but we sure as hell can rebuild a country we destroy in battle though cant we??
it Mr. Nugent were President he might not do much good but he sure cant hurt this country any more than the commies we have in there now. as far as a V.P. goes how about Jessie Ventura. -
On 04/12/10 10:12 AM, Jay DiNitto said:
“but we sure as hell can rebuild a country we destroy in battle though cant we??”
Well, we can because the infrastructure was (no bid) contracted out to private businesses (Xe Services, CACI, etc.). Private entities are much more nimble and adaptive to rebuilding nations than a big clumsy central government, especially when the gov’t has so much of our money to toss around.
-
On 04/13/10 1:22 PM, Lemmy: ‘No Bigger Bastards Than the Republican Party’ | BUZZGRINDER said:
[...] If Ted Nugent Were President Monday, 10:12 [...]
-
On 04/13/10 8:57 PM, Starpunk said:
Imagine: someone who did his damndest to avoid going to Nam and now he “supports” the troops by exalting them to “kick some ass” like a cheerleader while watching the sick “drama” on TV. Then he personally visits a residence of Saddam’s and arrogantly poses there while the “grunts” did all the dirty work and were constantly in danger. These armchair warriors make me absolutely sick. I am a veteran and I know some others who have been in various wars, experiencing what the media circus censors don’t want you to see. My answer to this is that people like Ted and Kid Rock need to PUT UP OR SHUT UP. Get in the arena. Join up. If you believe in it so much you can do it. Rapper Can-I-Bus did it, he joined the USMC. Hoo-rah for him! If Ted were president we’d have a neanderthal in office. I agree with Buddy – that guitar is a Gretsch ripoff and it’s chumpy to the max. Also this loudmouth Ted the Terrible Turd is insulting Native American peoples by wearing that headress with his attitude and all. Native American nations didn’t wage wars for nothing – it was often for control of trade routes and access to resources and later to defend their cultures, homes and all against reckless cretins with Ted’s attitude but never to line some rich man’s pockets. Also, I’ve seen Motorhead in concert and they ROCK. Lemmy writes intelligent meaningful lyrics and Tired Ted has to be obnoxious because he really has nothing to say. His type has long given heavy metal a bad rep. On the other hand Motorhead invented speed metal and they’re great.
-
On 04/14/10 12:34 PM, Lemmy: “There are no bigger bastards than the Republican Party.” said:
[...] thinks Motörhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister shares something in common with everyone’s favorite giant grenade-wielding madman from the Motor City (no, not Sebastian Spering Kresge), he recently set the record straight during [...]
-
On 08/10/10 2:00 PM, graham said:
if Ted nugent was president chuck norris would be vice pres
-
On 10/14/10 11:07 AM, Scott said:
Buddy, that guitar may be a Gretsch ripoff, let me point out it’s a Gibson. Boo Hoo!
Some of you pansies here have to wake up,
“Obamanation” will take us all down! -
On 04/11/11 1:52 AM, Roy said:
Go Ted, I tip my cup of Nuge Java to ya.
Photos: Monotonix at Fun Fun Fun Fest
Photos: Valient Thorr at Fun Fun Fun Fest
Photos: Danielson, Welcome Wagon at The 930 Listening Room
Photos: Low at Headliners
Photos: Descendents at Fun Fun Fun Fest